This month’s theme is all about the different stages in life, so I’m going to talk about one of the major turning points, weddings. While not everybody gets married themselves, most will at least attend someone else's. Every culture does weddings differently, but how does Japan demonstrate one of the ultimate expressions of love?
To start them off, the first thing a Japanese couple must decide on is what style of wedding they would like. The most common are Shinto, Christian or Buddhist. Unlike in the UK, where people choose based on their religion, it is very different in Japan. Their choice is primarily due to pure aesthetics. The most popular, and the one I will talk about today, is the Shinto wedding. These are held at a Shinto shrine with the reception usually at a hotel.
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It’s your lucky day!
The next step in planning a wedding is choosing the date. Like in the UK, spring and summer weddings are popular, but there is another aspect to consider in Japan, Rokuyo. This is a six-day system similar to the regular days of the week that repeat. Each day has its own luck schedule, with Taian, 大安, (day five) being the luckiest and Butsumetsu, 仏滅, (day four) being the unluckiest. The other ones have varying degrees of luck depending on the time of day.
Taian is the most popular for weddings, with venues and services being jam-packed and expensive. In contrast, businesses that cater to weddings often offer discounts on Butsumetsu, as it’s usually a day reserved for funerals.
Wedding Traditions
For the wedding day itself, the bride often wears either a traditional white kimono called a ‘shiro-muku’, 白無垢, with red trim for luck, or a pure white lighter kimono representing purity, completed with a large white hat to cover her hair and face from the guests. This is so only her husband can see her and to hide the horns that unmarried women are said to grow. No one believes the horns myth anymore, but the hat is common in Japanese weddings like the veil in the west.
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After the ceremony, the bride can change out of this white ensemble into a more colourful one for the reception. The colourful kimono called an ‘iro-uchikake’,色打掛, symbolises the bride taking on the influence of her new family and is often more comfortable for the reception. It also doesn’t include the heavy hat.
During the ceremony, the bride, groom and both sets of parents drink three times from three different cups of sake, each with a different symbolic meaning. The first three sips are the three couples who drink. The next three symbolise hatred, passion, and ignorance, and the final three free them from those flaws. The sips come to a total of nine, which is also a lucky number in Japan.
The reception
A Japanese reception is more relaxed than a western one with talking and drinking rather than dancing and music. There are speeches and sometimes singing, but it is mostly about socialising and the food, a colourful array of sushi.
Before the end of the reception, the happy couple gives bouquets to their parents, and the bride gives her parents a letter. This emotional moment often ends in tears, as the letter of love and thanks is a lovely way to end the day.
The guests then leave but not before being given a bag of gifts by the couple. These gifts can range between £40-£80 worth of value on average, so they should not be missed.
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Costs
Japanese weddings are famously expensive and can often leave the bride and groom, or their families, in debt. To counterbalance this cost, the guests bring gifts of money, usually around £350. Although this would certainly help, this is rarely enough to fully cover the costs. The wedding is usually one of the most significant expenses of a young couple’s life. One survey placed the average price at ¥3.62 million, or around £23,000, compared to around £10,000 in the UK. The parents often cover a lot of this cost, and families often compete over who gets to “host” and cover the expenses.
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Single Marriages
It wouldn’t be Japan without something breaking the mould a bit. In addition to people getting married to idols or robots, the ‘single marriage’ is what I find most incredible. This is a service where a woman can experience her wedding without the unnecessary extra bits, such as the groom and guests. The ‘brides’ wear all the dresses, ride in limousines and stay in luxury hotels, all without the need to actually meet people. They’ll even take pictures for an album.
Now, this isn’t supposed to replace a wedding, but it can be a good confidence boost, and some married women use it if they aren’t satisfied with how their wedding went.
Despite the costs, it is well worth going to a Japanese wedding if you are invited. It’s a unique experience, and the money all goes into making it a great day for everyone involved.